My Computer Is My Friend, Right?

There's nothing wrong with personifying my computer
it's silver, luscious and sweet
if someone tried to mug me, my computer would be all like
"hey, fuck off, that dude's awesome"
then the mugger would kill me
and the computer would be sad for not feeling sad:
"WHY CAN'T I FEEL HU-MAN EMOTIONS?"
then it would go have a computer orgy with a coupla 386s to forget
because my computer likes floppy discs
still, it left me to die
why didn't my computer call 911?
perhaps it's anti-Semitic
fuck!

BTW, i think this is actually a picture of a dream i've been having for 20 odd years...(NSFW...unless you work in an awesome place)