Letter To People Who See Me and My Brother On the Street

Dear Strange Gentleman,

No, my brother and I are not twins. Thanks for asking. What, you want to mention that we look alike? Gee thanks. Wait, you want to continue talking about this? OK, sure, whatever you want. I certainly have nowhere better to go.

A-ha-ha. Yes. Uh huh. You definitely needed to stop and talk to us about this outside the San Fransisco Museum of Art. What? You aren't going in? You're just passing by? Where might you be going? A mental hospital? A desolate island where they put people who walk up to strangers and say "hey, are you guys twins?". Oh, you're going home. Well, that's too bad. I hope you die a painful death by rectal plunger insertion.

You're very welcome.

Love,

Matt.


Dear Middle-Aged Businessman,

Yes, in fact we do look alike; at least this is what we've heard. Sure, it's OK that you've stopped us in the middle of a crosswalk. No problem that the light is flashing "don't walk"...that's only a suggestion.

It IS hysterical how much we look alike. In fact, if you hadn't had pointed it out, then laughed for a good 5 seconds, I probably wouldn't have seen the hilarity of the situation. Now that you've mentioned it...pure comedy.

You could have SWORN we're twins? Well, that's fabulous! You have a terrific day too. Please die soon!

Sexily Yours,

Matt.