Arab Girls Go Jihad on Jewish Cocks!

Note to LimeWire: I searched for "Chicks on Speed", so why, prey tell did "Arab Girls Go Jihad On Jewish Cocks" come up? Also, what's going "Jihad" on that particular part of the male anatomy mean? Does she attach a bomb to her vagina? Is there such a thing as a "sexy Jihad" or is that extremely tasteless, like Denny's?

Speaking of Denny's, I recently (via social network website #52523) got in contact with an old high school buddy of mine, I'll call him Rich. Rich (a pudgy, nerdy-Jew type) was the kind of guy you could sit with watching TV, shooting the shit, or confide in. He really was a great friend. I was a grade ahead of him, and I noticed towards the end of my senior year he began to drink. Not like, "Oh, hey, I'm going to sip this Bud Light and act silly" drink; like, "I'm going to down these two bottles of wine in ten minutes, pop a bunch of pain killers and fall down a flight of stairs" drink.

Rich had never drank or done drugs before, so it concerned me that I wouldn't be around for his senior year to keep him in check. I pulled him aside the day I graduated and had a talk with him.

"Rich, don't smoke pot and cut down the drinking...it's just going to get you crazy"
"Definitely, man"

Needless to say, I returned the next year to visit, and he:

1) Put glue in his hair often (he didn't like gelling it every day, and it made the points stick up higher)
2) Had various things cut into his arm (names, random words, little teardrops)
3) Had lost about 30 pounds.

I checked in with him and asked him what happened:

"Well, man, you told me not to smoke pot, so I skipped straight to cocaine".

Ahh, I thought...very didactic. At least he's a good listener.

Anyway, he became this very strange creature: when I was in school with him, we'd spend our nights watching movies, playing video games and generally joking around. When I hung out with him this time, we sat around doing literally nothing until he insisted on going to Denny's at 5am.

"Really, you want to go to Denny's at 5am?"
He was pacing back at forth...
"Yes. I can't stay inside! GOTTA GO TO DENNY'S!"

Denny's Customer=Cokehead, I s'pose...

So, we went to a Denny's in central New Jersey at 5am. Admittingly, I was a Denny's virgin: and trapped in this Fellini-esque nightmare, I didn't order anything. Rich had 7 cups of coffee and some yellowish globs kindly referred to as "eggs".

When we left, he immediately vomited. I asked him if he was OK, and he told me that Denny's always made him vomit. Why keep going back? I asked. He didn't respond.

Anyway, I saw him once more in 2001; he was wearing a studded dog collar, had blue hair and smelled like he hadn't showered in several months. I asked him to remove the dog collar when my mom was around (he was spending the night at my mom's house) and he seemed really annoyed by that. He stayed up until 9am and didn't wake up until 5pm the next day. My mother thought he had died.

So, I haven't seen him in 7 years. Not sure what he's up to, but I'm supposed to visit him this month. Strangely enough, I am looking forward to it. I haven't eaten Denny's since, but perhaps it's time...