Anal Porn

INT. IAN'S ROOM - DAY
Ian sits in his bed, reading "Modern Bride" magazine.

Josh comes in, acting suspiciously nonchalant.

JOSH
Good afternoon, Ian!

IAN
(not again)
Afternoon, Josh.

JOSH
Wondering if I could...

IAN
...borrow some things?

JOSH
That would be perfect. Let's see...

He goes through some of Ian's things.

JOSH (CONT'D)
This Economist from February of 2006. Boy those
mid-term elections sure are sneaking up on us fast.

More stuff.

JOSH (CONT'D)
These Groucho Marx glasses: Well, the social calendar
is really lighting up these days; never know when
comedic eyewear might tickle a funny bone or two.

He gets a SERIOUS look in his eyes and runs over to Ian's SOCK DRAWER.

HE tosses ALL OF THE SOCKS OUT OF HIS DRAWER and pulls out a DVD:

"ANAL SLUTS 45".

JOSH (CONT'D)
What's this? Anal Sluts 45?

IAN
Yup.

JOSH
Is this a "pornographic" movie?

He examines the DVD.

JOSH (CONT'D)
More gape then all other Anal Slut videos combined?
Oh my; That's a lot of gape, isn't it?

IAN
Yes, it's the most gape legally
allowed in the United States.

JOSH
Wow! Really? That's intriguing!

He smirks and shakes his head, in a faux gesture of nationalism.

Only in America!

Ian smiles and nods faintly.

JOSH (CONT'D)
You know, I don't think I can fit all of these
things in my hands. I guess I'll just put back
The Economist from February, 2006.

He puts it away.

JOSH (CONT'D)
Oh, and let's see...I guess the Groucho glasses.
Maybe I'll also grab this giant container of
hand cream as well; you never know when
you need moisturizing!

IAN
Sounds about right.

JOSH
Gee, you know, I'm so intrigued by this sexual
documentary that I'm going to pop it into my computer
right this instant! Is it alright if I leave the door open?
Watch it without headphones?

IAN
That's terrific.

JOSH
Great! See you in 3 minutes!

He runs out.

Ian pulls a bottle of WHISKEY from under his pillow and takes a swig.