Matt and SexBot200

I thought it was a good idea. Boy, was I wrong.

Those 17 weeks in the robotics laboratory, those sleepless nights dreaming of a better tomorrow, my invention of the "electro-clitoris", which prompted Time Magazine to refer to me as "the world's most innovative pervert".

Finally, she was built: Rachel, AKA SexBot200.

Observing that sex was the cause and solution of all life's problems, I set out to build the ultimate pleasure droid; one with the sex drive of a Ms Raquel Welsh, the down-to-earth good looks of Julia Louis Dreyfus and the intellectual curiosity of Marilyn vos Savant; something that would create a Utopian problem-free universe.

When she emerged from her robo-chamber and spoke her first words, I knew it was love at first sight:

R: SEXBOT200 ACTIVATED. Hey, did you read Raymond Kurzweil's "The Singularity is Near"? If not, I suggest I read it to you in bed whilst we make passionate robo-love.

Then her head blew up. I knew I should have used something stronger than duct tape.

After reattaching her head (this time with SUPERGLUE!), we began to date. At first it was great; her sexual proclivity had to be seen to be believed: she could make love, quote Kafka and bake mashed potatoes all at once. She called it "her nihilistically bleak potato sex time".

I kept her in my crawl space, but sometimes when I got home, she wasn't there. At first, I chalked it up to my excessive drinking (she might have been there, but I was too busy vomiting to notice), but then she began to not be there when I was sober (rare occasion that be).

One night I caught her sneaking back to my apartment and I quizzed her:

Me: Where were you?
R: ENGAGE LIE MODE. *Hey baby*, I was just out for a walk. Definitely not having sex with strangers I met on street corners.
Me: Don't lie to me!
R: DISENGAGE LIE MODE. *I* was having sex with strangers I met on street corners.
Me: But I created you!
R: Yes, but you cannot pleasure me to the extent my bionic g-spot needs pleasuring. Plus, what's up with all the crying during sex?
Me: There's just something in my eye...each time we have sex.

That's when she shook her robot head and walked out of my life forever. Alone, I realized that she perfect woman wasn't perfect; in order to make someone compatible with me I needed to create someone with huge personality flaws so that they would stick around.

That's when I built: Single-Issue VoterTron200: The Robot That Speaks Mono-Syllabically. We'll see what happens.

As for Rachel; I looked her up on Facebook. Her status is "swinger" and I noticed she belongs to a lot of random hookup groups. I coulda sworn I saw her naked torso in an Adult Friend Finder banner ad. Oh well!