How to Get Views

Hmmm...I was riding a high in terms of viewership last month. Things seem to be dipping a tad; should I blame it on the dog days of summer? A downturn in the national sovereign, global market, and transnational corporate economy? That fact that I actually have nothing interesting to say?

Probably all of the above. I guess I should try some new tactics:

Top 5 Changes I am Making To My Blog:

1) SEXING UP THE NAME: "Picture of a Photograph"? WTF is that? An obscure reference to a mid-90's song? I've got to really think about what attracts people: for now on, the title of the site will be: "NAKED PICTURE OF A VAGINA PHOTOGRAPH". If you can think of anything better, leave a comment.
2) INANE RANTS ABOUT POLITICAL MINUTIAE: As we all know, politics aren't about making the country a better place, they're about "terrorist fist jabs" and "for the first time in my life, I'm proud of this country". Next week's headlines: "Obama loves oranges...IMPORTED oranges", "McCain: Will Old Man Sex Be The Death Of Him?".
3) CELEBRITY NEWS: In the "Crying While Masturbating" Celeb section, "Masturbating on Celebrities", you'll find all sorts of awesome infotainment; except I don't follow the news and will make shit up. But, if you want to know how many transients Brangela's Zombie Baby ate last night, then this is the site for you.
4) LOVE ADVICE: Oh, yes. Didn't you hear that the interweb is all about "interactivity"? In my new "Advice-enture!" section of the site, I will be doling out relationship advice to those in need. Of course, the advice would be what I would do, so here's a taste:

Dear Matt,

My girlfriend and I are having problems. She has beaten up my Golden Retriever puppy while reading from the bible at least three times. Also, she tries to cut her wrists with a butter knife, and when I confront her about it, she just says she's spreading margarine on herself to ward off the evil "Jew spirits".

Yesterday, she set fire to my pubic hair while screaming "freedom! sweet, disgusting freedom!", then she took all my bank checks and moved to Swaziland.

What do to?

Signed,
Bald Down There

Hey Baldy,

DO NOT let this woman go! She sounds like a catch!

Signed,
Matt

PS- Does she do anal? If not, dump the bitch.

5) THEMED BLOGS: Why are the most popular blogs always themed? In this iPod shuffle age, you think people would have an attention span for sites that deal with many topics! Well, I gotta catch up, so from now on my theme will be "neurotic Jew with a serious case of self-loathing". Each post will deal with that...BRAND NEW I TELLS YA!

Expect this site relaunch soon. Here's my thought:

1) Site Relaunch
2) ???
3) Success