Why My Last Job Sucked Balls

I used to work at a certain video-sharing/social networking site founded by a certain former CEO of another, much more successful social networking site. Vague enough for you? Well, I did sign an NDA, so it's neither here nor there. Let's just say the place was a mess.

There were precious few competent people who worked there. In fact, most were just friends of the CEO who had no previous on-line or even remotely related experience. One used to be a waiter, but he was handsome, in shape and did a bunch of coke, so he was hired as the "creative director", something he had no experience doing (he was an actor/waiter...c'mon!)

We were not judged on metrics (I ran several successful shows with tens of thousands of fans, yet I was never even offered a pat on the back, let alone a promotion), but judged on politics.

Anyway, here's a few observations about that company, which will stick with me forever:

There's a certain ramshackle charm to working around a bunch of incompetent losers.

1) First; you know that you're better then everyone else. and that's not an immodest statement here; the special ed kid in my sixth grade class would be Warren Buffet in this situation.

2) Secondly; there's no rational expectation of success. When there are no goals set for yourself, or even the company in general, it's every man for himself. These new breed of websites are such uncharted territory that barely anyone understood what was going on or what "achieving something" meant. I always tried my best, but after a while, it became evident that I defined my own success to those around me:


SCENE:
Matt sits in a room with three other co-workers who are checking their Myspace pages.

Matt is watching Dr. Who.

INCOMPETENT MANAGER WALKS IN:

Manager: Hey Matt, what are you up to today?
Matt: I just added 100 friends to our show's channel!
Manager: Wow, that sounds awesome!

Manager Leaves.

Co-worker turns to Matt.

Co-Worker: Didn't you have 100 friend requests when you woke up this morning? All you did today was hit "accept all"?
Matt: Shut up, I'm watching Dr. Who.

3) My co-workers were so drugged up, it was hilarious. Life was amazingly terrible at that company, and literally everyone tried to escape through getting fucked up.

There were three types:

-Martini Girls At Lunch: The group of girls who would get so drunk during lunch that they could barely walk in straight. Secretaries, HR people, Assistants.
-High Creative Types: In order to fulfill the tedious, non-creative work that many of my co-workers were given, they all got high. Even when they were high, no one noticed, because everyone else at the company was so retarded, that they fit in just fine.
-Coked Up Agent Types: This is the funniest bunch, because I personally dealt with a sports agent all the time who was so coked up, that he was awake around the clock writing emails and making plans for partnerships (that never happened because the company was obviously a huge mess to anyone who came in). Since he was so hyper all the time, he used to speak in these ridiculous sports metaphors:

Come on guys! We've got to hit a home run on this and score a touchdown. This partnership is on the one yard line and we've got to kick the soccer ball in the net! Hockey lacrosse foosball!

That's literally how he spoke.

Anyway, I quit and I'm happy I did.

I ran into a former co-worker recently who, for some reason, has NOT quit. He smiled when he spoke, but his eyes belied a person who was dead inside.

"So Matt", he said. "Do you regret quitting at all?"
"No"
"You sure, not a little bit? Nothing you regret?".
I could tell he was desperate, so I gave him what he wanted.
"Well, I guess I miss working with the actors from my show".
"I knew it!", he exclaimed.

We spoke for a few minutes before he asked me what I was doing.

When I told him I was still making videos, he asked me if I still had his email, and then he told me that he would love to work with me in the future.

Good times.