You were looking at my blog everyday; sometimes 5-10 times a day. How wonderful! How on Earth did you find me? I've never been to Houston, as I don't enjoy having sex with my cousins, condemning homosexuals, or eating grits; but I'm intrigued!
So tell me Houston...where did you go? Did my unfunny ramblings about bodily functions and Judaica scare you away? Did you find yourself turned by my neuroticism? So turned on that you killed yourself for fear of orgasming in your pants? Does that last sentence even make sense?
Wait- I know what happened: You were Estelle Getty! You stopped coming by my blog because you've been suffering from Lewy body dementia for the last 10 years and finally passed away yesterday morning. Somehow, in your confused state, you figured a cunning way to mask your IP address! Well, Estelle may you rest in peace (Golden Girls Forever!).
And you, Houston, if you aren't EG...and if you're out there: Please come back. I promise it'll never happen again. I did it because I love you, baby. You just...get me so crazy sometimes, I lose myself, and I don't know what's happening. We can tell people you walked into a wall; they won't ask questions.
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