My Subconscious Teaches Writing

Drifting off a few minutes ago, I suddenly started to have an almost dream (the kind where you're not actually 100% asleep) which went like this:

I'm trying to write. The following scene begins to happen:

Tom and Jim are playing Scrabble in a messy house. They are obviously dumbasses. George, a smarter bloke, comes up to them and looks at the board.

George: Tool, Taint, Balls and Cock. Wow, it's a real meeting of the minds here; except your minds are meeting in Queens, where you're from.

Suddenly I stop writing. "except your minds are meeting in Queens, where you're from"? Could that even be construed as funny? The sentence itself makes me want to vomit in my mouth.

Then Patrick Stewart (of Star Trek: TNG fame) comes out to coach me.

Patrick Stewart: You wanna know how to write? Don't try and copy what's been written before, try to flip it on its head! Go get 'em, number 1!

OK, I'm determined to write something better; let's make it weird. Let's try and create a little in-game Scrabble tension.

Back to the scene:

Tom and Jim are playing Scrabble. Tom looks really upset and Jim is just confused, but he's got a big smile on his face.

George enters and looks over the Scrabble board in amazement.

George: Wow! Qi, Za, Opiate?
Jim: It's all me!
George: Great job.
Tom: Yeah, it would be a great job, except he didn't know they were words, he was just putting down letters that "looked pretty".
Jim: I love Pictionary!
Tom: Scrabble, we're playing Scrabble!

Then I woke up.

I'm not sure the second part is well written (actually I'm pretty sure it ain't), but as least Patrick Stewart was there (AND HE CALLED ME NUMBER ONE!). That's pretty fucking awesome.

"My mustache has destroyed better Borgs than you, sir!"