Crackerbox Palace

Picture it: Cold winter night in New York City. It's 5:06AM, quickly approaching 5:07AM.

You're lonely, it's cold and the swill beer you drank 3 hours ago has rushed all your blood down to your pant region. Now all you can think about is the stomach ache from your drunken falafel misadventure and 'where's my local handjob massage parlor?'.

Oh, and you're a student at NYU.

So; what's the best way to find a "handjob massage parlor New York"?

Google it, kind sir, google it!

And guess what you find? My website. Yes, my website, where 95% of the views come from people googling "handjob massage parlor". I guess if you're looking for a handjob, a website called "crying while masturbating" might appeal to you because that's what led you to looking for a handjob in the first place.

Anyway, someone at NYU just found my site via that search on google. Sure, I had some dry spells at NYU, but the only thing I was googling at 5:06AM was "how to strangle your hipster roommate with his own ironic mustache".

What do you google at 5:07AM? Old camp friends? Naked Vagina? "Why has my life has become a string of meaningless conversations that attempt to distract me from the fact that I will inevitably die and leave behind only shame and disappointment?".

Ex-girlfriends? Ex-boyfriends? Ex-transsexuals you met at the bar that one time? Ex-lax?

Me? I just google myself. It's better than finding a massage parlor to do it for me.