If you're anything like me (hopefully not, because per Darwin's 'only the strong survive' theory of evolution; my incompetent, neurosis-ridden DNA should be a sparse rarity), then you say to yourself 'what is that strange itch in my pants area'?
After 8 hours of uncontrollable sobbing and 7 hours of sobbing uncontrollably, you indubitably turn your attention to the watching of online stuff.
Then, after viewing the crud-like crapfilled putrid nonsense, you turn it off. You wonder: "I've been steadily employed making web content for 3 years now and I've yet to figure out why people watch most of this stuff. Show me someone who watches vlogs and I'll show you an inveterate pervert who jerks off to fully clothed semi-attractive women talking into a webcam*."
Look at the most-viewed videos on youtube today; aside from several videos from the vacuous-fest also known as the "Golden Globes" (gee, nothing like an awards show for narcissistic multi-millionaires! let's give them more stuff), we've got really, really terrible videos of girls looking into cameras, "unproduced" vlogs from celebrities or politicians (they just "grabbed a camera and shot themselves being real"), sporting event clips and one "celebrity comedian" sketch.
Now, far be it from me to judge other content, because I know mine is mostly crap, but wasn't there a time when online content was richer, more varied? When creativity ran free? When people pushed the limits of what they could do in a little 360X240 box? When there were imaginative, interactive videos that took full advantage of a boundless, exciting new media?
Oh, there wasn't a time like that? My bad.
Someone please explain to me why this video was almost five million views? PLEASE!
late night addition:
In a further "buh?" moment, I give you this quote from a cnet article I was just reading.
"Most_uniQue" said he used Crackulous, "one-tap" cracking software developed by Hackulous, to crack the app. After cracking 35 apps, he is retiring, he told Bossert in their surprisingly friendly e-mail exchange.
I mean, just the mere fact that this sentence is in a news report makes me want to vomit from my eyes while clumsily shaving my chest hair with a rusty slice of glass.
*Of course the kind people who watch Upright Citizen's Brigade sketches, Zappos commercials, Thrive webspots, Twitter Music Videos, FrisbeesandFlipflops, and whatever else I've worked on in the last 8 months are totally exempt.
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3 comments:
The girl in the video is Magibon, one of the legions of girls who started posting videos of themselves smiling cutely into the camera and muttering things with hugely popular results.
She actually caught on in Japan as something of an overnight celebrity, and was invited to the country to appear on television, where it all went horribly wrong.
http://imomus.livejournal.com/367902.html
It's hard and easy to feel sorry for her at the same time. As if TV wasn't exponentially turning us into lunatics, YouTube seems to be the new frontier.
great article, Paul. I knew of Magibon, and I'm still at a loss...
"Show me someone who watches vlogs and I'll show you an inveterate pervert who jerks off to fully clothed semi-attractive women talking into a webcam... Of course the kind people who watch Upright Citizen's Brigade sketches, Zappos commercials, Thrive webspots, Twitter Music Videos, FrisbeesandFlipflops, and whatever else I've worked on in the last 8 months are totally exempt."
some research was recently done on the matter, and the breakdown of views for any frisbeesandflipflops video is as follows:
68% the aforementioned perverts
22% god (he likes to keep tabs on the heathens)
8% you
1.75% parents
0.25% anyone who gives a crap what the girl has to say
it's the same structure for twitter music videos, only with the first two stats in reverse. god's a big fan of ijustine.
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