Problems with Jung

No, Jung isn't a sexual euphemism, it was the name of Jung R*u, a gentleman who stayed in my apartment in Astoria, Queens at the beginning of this year. WARNING: This is a tale of deceit, treachery and dried fish heads...Proceed with caution.

Jung was a seemingly kind fellow who wanted to stay in my apartment while I was in Los Angeles. Since I was away and the guy had a pretty sweet job at a financial instution, I figured "what the hey!" and gave him the keys to my apartment. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

OK, that's a little melodramatic, I've made bigger mistakes, which would actually explain the last 15 years of my life, but I digress. After he "moved in" little weird things started to happen; I began to notice lots and lots of porn being ordered on the cable bill. With this "new fangled Internets!' " you'd think the days of someone ordering pornography via cable at $12.95 a pop were over, but apparently not.

When I emailed him about it, I never heard back, and I figured "whatever" because he gave me enough money before he moved in to cover it. The thought of him "having a solo sexercize" on my couch was a little disheartening, but that's what bleach is for.

Anywho, he never paid his bills on time (if something was due on the 1st, he wouldn't pay until I emailed him about it on the 10th...he also often lied and said "he sent it out already", but then two days later, I'd get the check, postmarked the day I called), he never responded to phone calls or emails (unless it was about said rent), and then one day my landlord called...

"Matt, do you have an Asian person living in your house?"
"Well, there's a guy staying there while I'm in LA, but he's not renting it"
"Well, the super called and told us that there are Asian people coming in and out of the house all day long; several of them. There have been noise complaints"

I called Jung:
"Jung, if you're having parties there, please stop. I told you that you couldn't"
"I am not having parties there. In fact, I am barely even there"

I thought..."OK", well he's there and has my keys. Maybe "several Asian people" meant two or three and maybe the noise complaints stem from "late night pornography watching", so whatever. I'll take him at his word.

Cut to a few months later...

I get to my house in Astoria and one of the first things I notice is a bucket of dried fish heads that smelled like Satan's underthings sitting on top of my refrigerator. Next thing I notice is about 200 Korean books on my bookshelf, wrapped in newspaper. OK, that's strange...maybe he was a reader and wanted to leave them as a present as a sign of gratitude for not telling the world of his porn addiction.

Then I see the super...

and he tells me that a large Asian family was living in my small one bedroom apartment for several months. There was 2 elderly parents and 2 or 3 "teenaged girls".

That would explain why Jung said: "I am not having parties there. In fact, I am barely even there". The essence of a good lie is to tell the truth; just ask John McCain.

That gave me quick pause for thought; what the fuck was going on in my tiny one bedroom apartment? There's no way that anyone was watching pornography there without the entire abode (and perhaps the neighbors) noticing. If there WERE 2-3 teenage girls, how did they feel about the litany of porn being ordered night and day?

WAIT...

"People coming in and out all day long?" + "Porn being ordered all night and day" = *Definitely Not a* Prostitution ring?

Stranger things have happened.

Oh, they also stole a $500 rug from me.

So, the moral of the story is, don't give your keys to some strange guy named Jung R*u...he just might give them to people who are DEFINITELY NOT RUNNING a large Korean prostitution ring.