Super Hot Naked Time (trout pouts)

According to academic study that I read last year, humans find things attractive because they are easier for our brain to process. So, the simpler something is to look at, the more sex-licious it is for us. If something is out of the norm (and our brain is saying, "really? I have to actually pay attention to this?"), then we don't find it attractive. A wart, squinty eyes, a bigger-than-usual body part, etc...

I mean, I'm fucking hotter than a supermodel spitting Jay-Z lyrics on Venus, but for those that aren't; a few existential questions must come up: Why don't people find me attractive and what can I do to make people find me attractive?

Well, if you have money you can do this:
Yeah!!!! Get those lips a-pumped! I've heard of penis envy, but lip envy?

Do people find big, thick lips sexy? Apparently. Every woman that I've ever met has a hang-up about the size of their lips. That's why so many MySpace/Facebook pictures have girls giving their best "trout pout" or as I like to call it, "Mick Jagger impersonation":
Are women more attractive with 'em floppy lips? Let us go experimental and take two of Hollywood's sexiest sexpots and see what happens when we rid them of their pair of pouties.

Scarlett I. Johansson:
Now which do you find more attractive? Seriously? Be honest with yourself. She's very attractive, but I do believe that a lot of her appeal is her wondrously luscious labia oris.

Sure, she's still a beaut in the second picture, but "guest spot on Bones" beaut, not "Scar-Jo" beaut.

Angelina Jolie: Now, I really only remember her as "the sexy chick from Hackers" but she's apparently made a career for herself and her 15 African children. Her lips are so famous that insanely unstable octo-mommies feel the need to collagen-cop them.


So, what does our celebrity look like without the lips?

Kind of becomes a bootleg J-Lo, no?

I wonder what our obsession with pout is? Maybe it's easier to look at. Certainly, my lips are so delish that they could be sold at Greenblatt's on Sunset with a side of Cole Slaw and a pickle...

Well, I'm unrelentingly sexy, right? Let's photoshop those big lips out and see what I look like...

No wonder my nickname is "tiger lady"...