you're a lily-livered
face painted
moron, more on
with a good sense
of diction-
airy light brains
Scribbled on a wall, she wondered if this poem was about her. Sure, it was signed "for a good time, call Alice Sacks" but maybe it was another Alice Sacks. Sure, under Alice Sacks was her phone number...but maybe someone named Alice Sacks used to have her phone number.
Yeah, probably not.
Why did everyone think she was stupid? Was it that she occasionally spelled words with a 7? Spoke with a British accent even though she wasn't British? Limped for effect?
Or maybe it was just because she was really fucking stupid.
Either way, she had to prove to people that she was as smart as a wh7ip.
So she sat down to write a masterwork; a great novel that transcended genre and classification. When she was done, her 569 page piece of Doctor Who fan fiction, "The Attack Of The Zygons" was greeted lukewarmly amongst even the most diehard Whovians.
She moved on to Music. By creating her very own "Sgt. Pepper", she would show everyone what a unique, Thom Yorkian talent she was.
So she sat down and started to compose. After three months, working 22 hours a day, this is what she came up with; "Sing Songs":
After playing it for her friends and family, they realized that she wasn't stupid, just mildly retarded. That's when they had her committed.
Unfortunately, the disparaging graffiti continued.
Alice unlike wonderland
wonder when
you'll realize
you're as vapid
as you are ugly
and you're really fu7cking
ugly.
Turns out, in a Fight Club-esque twist of events, it was Alice writing the graffiti all along. She thought insulting herself was good motivation to write books and music.
She was last heard from after marrying a 35 year old Labrador named Harold in a mixed-faith ceremony. She, a Catholic, he a Dogmatist.
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