Jesus and ME!

I sat down with the Jesus. He was a pretty cool dude, except he had this awful habit of picking his toes with his teeth. When I questioned him about it, he simply said, "I turned water into wine, bitch! Now shadda yo mouth!"

Here is the interview:

Matt: Do you believe in yourself?
Jesus: That's certainly a question!
M: How about sex?
J: With you? No thanks!
M: Drugs?
J: Wednesdays and Fridays.
M: Rock N' Roll?
J: Yes please.
M: Are you religious?
J: The most religious thing I ever did involved a virgin named Mary.
M: That's blasphemy!
J: It was a blast-for-me too.
M: What about the government?
J: I have never spoken to George Bush about foreign affairs. I have, however, spoken to Jenna Bush about foreign affairs: but no matter what I say, she'll never take her top off.
M: How do you feel about Christianity?
J: I would never join a club that would have me as a member.
M: Judaism?
J: I could never get used to the beanies.
M: Muslims?
J: I don't want to say anything, they might open a can of Fatwa on me.
M: Hindu?
J: Hin-don't.
M: Thanks for your time.
J: Yeah, I'm alive forever, so it's more like you are wasting your time.
M: Right.
J: Seriously though...how much time did you spend on Youporn this week?
M: Thanks for the interview, J.
J: And the things you look up? "Palestinian Girls Go Jihad On Jewish Cocks?"
M: This conversation is over.
J: You should be ashamed of yourself!