Airplane Rant

In the air right now...

What is that old adage about flying? It's safer than driving? I personally don't care how statistically safe it is; as soon as my body tilts in a 45 degree angle and I realize there is nothing but forward momentum preventing me from becoming a messy stain on the ground, my stomach drops about 30,000 feet and I begin to cry like a little girl.

I have, in the past, grabbed a hold of my next-seat-neighbor's hand and yelped a magnificent yelp. With the exception of one instance when my vivaciously beautiful neighbor actually smiled and asked me to keep holding on, the hand grabbing exercise has been a fruitless and embarrassing endeavor.

OK, so the guy ahead of me decided that he was going to lean back and now my computer is literally inside my anus. While this might be a fun experience for a small percentage of people, I would actually call it "slightly uncomfortable".

I hate flying so much that I need to have several shots of various liquors before boarding the plane. The fact that I need several shots of various liquors before doing anything probably has no bearing whatsoever, but there is that slight possibility that I am a hardcore alcoholic, or an "alco-awesome" as I like to call it.

To start the last paragraph's thought again...I hate flying, but love traveling. If I could only construct some sort of Star Trek-esque beam to transport me from place to place! Oh the fun I'd have: running with the bulls in Spain, standing at the top of Mt Everest, hanging with a bunch of Tech Nerds in the Bay area. It would be a dream come true: a very, very sad dream. The kind of dream that you try not to remember when you wake up, but the disturbingly crystal-clear images have engrained themselves into your brain, like a sex dream about the ugly girl in your high school science class. Not that I've ever experienced that. Seriously though, who would have known that Rachel McLaughlin was so sexy, while all-the-time covered in warts?

So I literally mean RANT, when I say rant. The flight between Los Angeles and Las Vegas is about 50 minutes, and computer usage is limited to a paltry 20 minutes, which means I cannot put more than a passing thought into this feces-covered debacle of a blog post. Oh well, at least it's colorful!