I Make Ice Cubes Out of Tears

This heat is getting to me.

It's about 90 degrees in LA, and with humidity, it's 197 degrees: which is actually the point in which a Jew's blood begins to melt.

What does melting Jew blood look/smell like? Well, kind sir, I would assume that you probably don't want to know. But in case you're curious, the answer to both questions is Altoona, Kansas.
My only relief is to close my eyes and stick ice cubes down the front of my trousers. Once the ice cubes melt, I begin to cry, which I then put in a tray and stick into the freezer to make more ice cubes. I call them "Cry Cubes", or Crubes for short. I like to put them into drinks of aquaintances so that they can taste my pain.

It's bad. It's so bad my rabbit actually spent the entire day writing poetry about sunstroke. His masterwerk, "I Wandered Lonely As A Baby Carrot" brings a tear to my eyes (which I then put in the freezer).

The only brief respite I have gotten lately is the complete and utter incompetence of the mainstream media. Even forgetting their coverage of the inane minutiae of the current political cycle (did we need a solid three days of "lipstick on a pig gate"?), they show no compassion or understanding in their reporting. Let's take a look at the top 10 stories on CNN.com the other day:

Hmmm...one of the greatest actors of his, or any generation has passed away due to a long, painful illness, but hey! At least Abe Vigoda is still kicking around, being the punchline to oh-so-many of Conan O'Brien's jokes.

I think it's time for some Cry Cubes...