El Pollo Loco Commercial

I've always wanted to direct an El Pollo Loco commercial, and not just because their chicken is FUCKING CRAZY.

I mean, Chick-Fil-A is probably better, right? Someone brought me some once, but I didn't end up eating it. The "a" at the end scares me, but I'm a nervous character at heart, much like Mir-Hossein Mousavi or Woody Allen.

In any case, I woke up one morning with an El Pollo Loco commercial in my head and wrote a short sketch about it.

Read and understand that I have humongous mental problems.

INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Matt walks in as Neil and Franci sit around.

MATT: Hey guys, I got an acting gig.
NEIL: I didn’t even know you were an actor.
MATT: I’m not, but my parents didn’t pay enough attention to me as a child, so apparently, I’m a natural.
FRANCI: My father used to beat my hamster with a bible, because he thought it was living in sin with the rabbit.
NEIL: So what’s the job?
FRANCI: But it was just a plush chew toy we put in his cage.
MATT: Brian De Palma's directing a new ad campaign for El Pollo Loco!
FRANCI: I loved that fucking hamster.
NEIL: When can we see it?
MATT: Now, probably.

CUT TO:

INT. JAIL CELL - NIGHT
A PRIEST (MATT) is giving last rites to a GRIZZLED HISPANIC PRISONER on DEATH ROW.

The Prisoner has a TATTOO of a tear on his face.

PRISONER: Thank you Padre; my soul feels cleansed.
MATT: And for your last meal?
PRISONER: I want chicken like muy tia Rossette used to make.

The Prisoner CRIES and makes a CROSS.

Matt solemnly nods.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Matt walks into a KITCHEN,

MATT: We have a special request...

He SEES:

A CHEF with blood and GUTS spewing everywhere.

On the wall, written in BLOOD is “I’ll Be Back”.

CHEF: Avenge my death...

Matt looks to the camera, WORRIED.

CUT TO:
INT. JAIL CELL - LATER
Matt walks in with an EL POLLO LOCO bag, but tosses it aside and hands the meal to the prisoner.

The Prisoner takes a bite.

Matt looks concerned, dramatic music plays.

PRISONER: Si...éste es pollo de dios. (this is the chicken of God)

They SMILE at each other.

CUT TO:

INT. CLOSE UP SHOTS OF CHICKEN

VOICE OVER: El Pollo Loco is freshly flame broiled to order. So good, even a hispanic convict on death row can’t taste the difference.

CUT TO:
INT. JAIL CELL
Prisoner has finished chicken and is holding a sharp BONE in his hand.

MATT: God bless you...and El Pollo Loco.

The Prisoner STABS Matt and runs out.

SFX guns are fired.

CLOSE ON:

Half Eaten Chicken Meal.

GFX:
A CHICKEN GETS IT’S HEAD CUT OFF AND IT LANDS IN A PLATE

TAGLINE: “EL POLLO LOCO: FUCK THOSE CRACKERS”.

CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

NEIL: I’m still waiting to see it.
FRANCI: Yeah, you just said “probably now” and have been standing there for 30 seconds.
MATT: You didn’t see that?
NEIL: See what?
MATT: Oh boy, I must be high again.

The PRISONER stands behind Franci and Neil, holding a hamster.
PRISONER: I’m gonna kill this fucking hamster.
MATT: Now that’s just loco!

Everyone starts laughing.

CLOSE ON:

HAMSTER PUPPET:

HAMSTER: Why are you laughing? Save me, you fucking Jew!



Something tells me that won't be El Pollo Loco's Spring 2010 campaign.