Smiling, I frowned inside, as I was given yet another unenviable task by a moron who, in a perfect world, would be licking my bootstraps in a hapless attempt to appease me.
Unfortunately, "a perfect world" exists only in dreams and mid 1990s Clint Eastwood movies. Nope! This was reality, and I was staring into the gaping maw of 40 years of unchanging servitude until quite retirement and death caused by some painful disease.
It was at that point I realized something. Life sucks.
Yes, life sucks. Not in an ironic hipster tee shirt way...
But sucks, like in an unending string of melancholic happenstances that just...well, happen...until you die.
There are very few things that distract you from this morbid destiny. Number one: beautiful things.
Now, I know I'm not conventionally "beautiful", that's why my thong-modeling career never took off, but I do know beauty when I sees it.
Beauty is a more than just, as Frank Zappa cynically put it...
"...a bikini wax and waitin' for yer nails to dry
Beauty is a coloured pencil, scribbled all around yer eye
Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die
Beauty is a, beauty is a, beauty is a lie"
Hate to disagree with an idol here, but beauty is probably the closest thing to truth out there. It's the only thing that lets us be what we honestly think we should be; happy little fuckers.
But beauty isn't JUST fancy vagina-enhancing type things (although those are nice); beauty is the little things; the smile of someone you adore, the endlessness of a pink blue sunset, your pet enjoying a gentle rub.
Because, as rule number 33 in Zombieland so adroitly put it, "enjoy the little things".
Happiness is bullshit; we can spend our lives trying to find it, but in the end, all you do is spend your life trying to find it. No, being happy is really just the feeling you have after a few "little things" string themselves together; you get a cool job, eat a gooey cookie, read a mind-expanding book. BOOM: put those three things together and you feel awesome. You're HAPPY!
Until you realize that you're not actually happy. Not quite SAD, but not exactly "storming the castle", like the Arrested Development episode of the same name.
So, next time you're dealing with the offensive nincompoopery of someone that should be hauled off to "Retard Island: The Place Where Idiots and Sex Perverts Can Procreate", think about the little things in life; maybe it's even just the very irony that someone SO STUPID could be telling you what to do and how to do it.
Because in the end, we are just little things ourselves...and maybe, somewhere that makes someone happy.
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