A Picture of a Photograph: LA is Full of Retarded Nincompoopery

In July I was crossing the street. Subsequently, I've learned that in Los Angeles this is a Herculean task, not fit for man nor beast.

I began to walk when the little "don't walk" sign was blinking with about 15 seconds left. As a New Yorker, I felt like this was an appropriate time to start crossing the street.

I was wrong.

Reaching the other side the MILLIsecond the light turned red, a motorcycle cop blinked his blinky things and pulled me over. He proceeded to give me a $200 ticket for jaywalking...or being Jewish, whichever is more illegal. I pleaded my case, but it fell upon deaf ears. Did I mention that California is having a financial crisis?

Needless to say, it was such a ridiculous situation that I actually forgot about it. Moving on with my life, I received a letter last week informing me that I missed my court date two weeks ago, AND:

1) The ticket was now $800, unless I paid $500 within 10 days
2) My license was suspended

I immediately called LA county superior court, and over the course of three solid days, I got a message informing me that "I should call back at another time".

I went to the website, which offered me two options

1) Pay $510 dollars ($10 extra for paying online, obviously)
2) Set a new court date

I kept trying to set a court date; first requesting a PM time, then when that didn't work, requesting an AM time. When that didn't work, I selected "Any Time".

Then I got the following message:

"We cannot find a time in the 'any time' timeframe. Please request another time."

Realizing I was running out of time faster than a Muslim at an "America: Fuck Yeah!" rally, I swallowed my pride, opened up by pocket book, and paid $510 for a ticket that was basically for being 1/2 a step off of the curb when the light turned red. Still, it was better than paying $800 and not having a license.

Regardless, it's times like this that make me miss New York. Ahh yes, NYC, the fabulous city where pedestrians have the right of way, and people read books that aren't "based on the hit film".

I was crossing the street in Hollywood today, with the right of way, when a giant truck made a swervy left turn and came barreling towards me, expecting me to RUN out of it's way.

People who walk? That should definitely either be penalized by death or at least a large fine.

Anyway, I hate LA so much right now, here are a selection of pictures I took on my cell phone underscoring the stupidity of people here.

I took these over the course of TWO days: