Pollio String Theory

Some scientists have a theory of the universe called the "String Theory", which, simply put, is that everything is made up of strings of energy.

I have a different theory, called the "Pollio String Theory", which is that everything is made up from strings of delicious ultra-pasteurized Mozzarella cheese. It's on these cheese strings that everything flows; energy, particles, the bowels of a lactose intolerant Hebrew child.

Who's right? A cabal of highly intelligent, profoundly educated scientists, or me...a man with a very cute rabbit?

Holy SHIT! Lookit that thing! How on Earth could her owner be wrong about the fundamental theory of the universe? Stare into her eyes and know the truth.

OK, maybe those eyes are just saying "get me off this fucking couch and get that cell phone camera out of my face, you four-eyed loser", but the sentiment's the same.

My theory makes sense; think of how cheese compares with organic life: we're all high in calcium, we pre-date recorded history, and we pretty much all come from a lactating breast. Mmmm...lactating breasts...wait that's fucking disgusting and doesn't make any sense.

Not to be curd with you, but maybe my theory is udderly ridiculous. Casein point: there's no whey cheese could remain still-ton long enough to support life. Oh well, it felt like a Gouda idea at the time; still, it's important to think of the fondues and don'ts...so brie careful.

I'm so sorry.