Cinco de Gringo

Ed Hardy? More like Dead Farty.

I have no idea what that means, but I thought of it yesterday while shopping at my local Ralphs not-so-supermarket. Note the inappropriate lack of punctuation in the name.
Ralphs? As in several Ralphs own the supermarket?

Anyway; cinco de mayo there is like a scene out of Yevgeny Zamyatin's bleak distopian nightmare, "We". Fleas the size of rats sucked on rats the size of cats, and ten thousand peoploids split into small tribes.

That and about 1000 white people got sombreros, chips and a margarita mix (all labeled "cinco de SAVINGS!") in exchange for their last vestige of dignity.

Someone please explain to me why it's totally acceptable to co-opt a culture for a day in an inherently simplistic and racist way. That's like dressing in blackface and a dashiki while eating fried chicken and watermelon during Kwanzaa; except that's not "in" right now; racism against Mexicans is.

Well, I for one, say "Mexican't" to racism.

Monday night I went to a godawful Mexican place in West Hollywood and it was a totally Mexican't experience. The waiter was a mid-west valley girl type, the host was an effete white manboy and the chefs were third season rejects from "Hell's Kitchen". They offered things like "a light mole reduction sauce". In fact, the only Mexicans I saw were the busboys; Pancho Villa Jr. and Emiliano Zapata III.

Sadly, no revolution was forthcoming and the food tasted like Mexican food prepared by a retarded blind midget after they donated their face to Connie Culp. Why do white people think they can out-minority minorities?

St. Patty's Day! I know, let's all wear "Fuck Me, I'm Irish" buttons, beat up gay people and drink Guinness until we impregnate the closest Gaelic piece of arse. Well, white people; you ain't gonna out drink, fight or fuck the Irish, so it's about time to give up that dream.

And for all you people who move to NYC and start going to Jewish Delis and watching Woody Allen movies...to be Jewish you need to face 2000+ years of hardship and persecution and inexplicably feel guilty about it. Using the word "nosh" in polite company does not a Jew make.

I think we should create a holiday called "Cinco de Gringo" and everyone dresses up as white people, drink PBRs and start wars, rape land and enslave those that look different from us. And remember, enslavement can be physical, economical OR mental! Or all three!