The iPhone: "It's like a nerd dildo for geeks".

I love how 90% of the traffic to this blog comes from people searching for "Jewish Cocks".

Interesting note; many of the aforementioned searches originate in the Middle East (Saudi Arabia, Egypt), which just proves my theory; anti-Semitism is really just another word for penis envy.

Meanwhile, in my Batcave, I had the following thought:

I hate people with iPhones.

I guess I'll rephrase that:

I hate what people become when they get an iPhone.

I thought Blackberrys were bad enough. I'll even go one further; I hate the idea of a cell phone. I don't like the expectation that you're supposed to have to talk to someone the second they call you. And if you don't...

Well, then either the person who called gets angry and thinks you're avoiding them, or you have the experience that I had this morning...

My brother called me yesterday, but I wasn't feeling particularly well, so I didn't call him back. Thinking I was either injured or dead, he called my father and told him something happened to me because he hadn't heard from me for "two days"; which is true if you count 8 hours yesterday and the period between 8am-10am this morning.

Needless to say, I awoke to 5 voice messages from people "wondering where I am"...

Now, call me a bluff old sentimentalist, but I miss the days when there was no expectation that you would even call a person back the same day. People had "answering machines" where something called an "audio tape" would gather messages in an analogue format.

Sometimes you'd come home after a long day and you'd have messages from people saying "give me a call back when you get a chance", as opposed to the messages I get now, which are "where are you?", "why aren't you picking up?", or "please stop staring at me with binoculars while touching yourself".

Ridiculous, I say!

Getting back to the iPhone; have you noticed that anyone with one will sit there, next to you, constantly texting, checking their email every ten seconds, and playing lame games that, if on a computer, people wouldn't begin to consider playing. "Pole Position" and "Yar's Revenge" look positively complex compared to some of those games.

People are literally unable to hold a conversation with you because they're too distracted pulling their little toy out every three seconds. It even vibrates! It's like a nerd dildo for geeks.

Yes, my cell phone is from 2005. Yes, it can only call people and send text messages. It doesn't play music or rape children or whatever iPhones do.

I'm trying to resist being a huge douchebag. Maybe I've already failed; but unlike most people, at least I'm fighting it.


UPDATE:

Pole Position is a BIG SELLER on the iPhone. Are you fucking serious? I put that in as a joke: that's a game my older brother played in 1983...that was kinda lame in 1983.