Guy Who Urinated In Jars and Left Them In His Room

I had a roommate once who stored several huge bottles of urine in 2 gallon jugs of Poland Spring around his room.

He didn't think we knew, but we all did. One time I dared the boyfriend of another roommate to open a bottle and smell it. He did, and based on his reaction...it definitely was piss.

Yes, I do mean BOTTLES. The guy had no bed in his room, just a mattress, several indie rawk show fliers strewn around the floor, 4 empty bottles of Jack Daniels and about 30 huge bottles of piss. He was 27 and lived with 4 20-21 year olds.

We postulated that he perhaps needed it for some sort of drug test; but he was a bouncer, so that didn't really make sense.

Anyway, I never did find out much about him after I escaped the Kafka-esque nightmare that was that apartment. He recently added me on facebook and told me he lives in an "Artist's Loft" in Downtown LA, which is code for a commune filled with a group of broke-ass losers.

Here's the first page of a sketch I wrote about him in college:

INT. SMALL BEDROOM-NIGHT
Girl (23) sits, folding clothes. A Boy (24) stands, unpacking. Small room with a bunk bed.

GIRL
I'm so glad that you're normal, you know.
It's just so hard to find a good roommate.

BOY
Yeah. I totally understand.
I'm the good roommate. (note catchphrase)

He takes some money from her wallet without her noticing.

BOY (CONT’D)
Now let's turn off those lights and get some sleep.

He hops up on the bunk bed. Lights flick off.

Sounds of urination

Girl flips light on.

GIRL

What are you doing?

Boy is filling up a water bottle with his own urine.

BOY
Nothing. I'm certainly not filling up this
2 liter bottle with my own waste.
Now flip off that light, I need to get some sleep.

She flicks the light off.

Masturbation sounds.

BOY (CONT’D)
That’s right, bitch, suck it.

Girl flips light on again.

Boy throws copy of JUGS up in the air.

GIRL
What the hell is going on up there? Are you masturbating?

BOY
No. I'm just slapping my cheeks together.

He turns light off.

Girl SCREAMS!

Lights flipped on. He's mounting her.

GIRL
Now you're having sex with me!

BOY
No I'm not! What the hell's your problem?
I'm the good roommate.

Ahhh...Memories...the thing the brain does to fool us into believing we've accomplished something and done interesting things in our lives.