Long Island Jewess Drinks and Goes Home.

I have two older brothers, and the less-older of the two has never owned a suit in his life. He takes pride in the fact that up-and-down his entire wardrobe costs under 50 bucks. Anyways, that all has to change because he's trying to get a job as a professor and now needs an 'interview suit'.

I tagged along to show my support, but I'm of little help. I consider myself stylish, or at least generally well groomed - but I'm in no position to give advice about the purchase of any item of clothing that's worth more then the GNP of Kenya. I duly sat this one out.

We ended up at generic Mid-Town Expensive Men's Clothing Store number #41. I sat at a bench adjacent to the dressing rooms and pulled out my new Frank Zappa biography, cleverly entitled 'Zappa'. There was this awful mid-30's Long Island Jewess (complete with accent) sitting next to me, waiting for her equally repellent husband to emerge from the waiting room. A staff member came out and the following conversation took place:

"Your husband likes the suit, but I'm afraid it costs $1200 dollars"
"Only $1200? Tell him it's $2100, flip the numbers around, it doesn't matter to us!"
"Would you like some store-brand water, miss?"
"Imported or domestic?"

At this point, I stopped listening. I read recently that Americans give 15 cents of every $100 they make to charity. This stupid whore is concerned if she's drinking domestic or imported STORE BRAND water, while 95% of the world is wondering if they're drinking malaria infested water from a dank, putrid river.

By any definition, I am not poor. Actually, I'm extremely well off and I consider myself lucky that I grew up in a country that offers so much financial oppurtunty. But seriously, I'm pretty fucking ashamed to be an American sometimes.

What are our priorities? We pride ourselves in being the 'moral compass of the world', but where is that morality? Does it manifest itself in passing laws preventing dudes from kissing each other? Or is it giving to the needy, stopping the spread of AIDS across Africa, spearheading scientific efforts to cure diseases, ect?

Maybe after you buy that suit, you can cut a check to the Red Cross. Not because some previously-unheard-of-disaster happened half way across the world sprung you into action, but because it's the fucking right thing to do.