7:30am Attack Of Conscience

This is probably my favorite joke I've ever written, which isn't to say it's actually funny. It's from my high school play, and you better believe the pastor of my school, Ms. Nichols, was not impressed.

Granted, Ms. Nichols also once laughed at someone who told me to 'Get back into the oven, you flithy Jew', so I didn't really expect her to be impressed. Yes, it was all good times at boarding school. I complained to the principal (and more importantly, my parents) about her inappropriate laughter, and as a sign of good faith, Ms. Nichols started to end each one of her chapel sermons with the only Jew word she could think of: 'Shalom'. Yeah, that about made her rampant anti-Semitism OK.

I can only imagine she thought to herself 'Boy, that flithy hook-nose is getting all uppity because of a simple Kyke joke. How do I fix this? Oh, I know, I'll say Shalom at the end of my weekly Christian service that he has to sit through. That'll make it all OK! Flithy fucking Kyke!'

OK, so you wonder why the following excerpt from my play is the most favorite thing I ever wrote:

Girl: Are you a religious man?
Boy: The most religious thing I ever did was a virgin named Mary.

Not ha-ha funny, but it certainly made Ms. Nichols roll her eyes. Keep in mind I was 17 when I wrote that and it was performed at a Methodist high school.

Until Later...