I got a Blackberry and all of a sudden things started happening.
"things started happening" and "blackberry" usually mean business meetings, quiet evenings with giant bags of cocaine and violent prostitute beatings. For me, this was not exactly true.
For me...it was subtle.
The first change I noticed was that I shaved more. "This is what it's like to feel skin!" I proclaimed. I was "barebacking" my cheek, and it was odd. No longer was "once every week and a half-ish" good enough. It was now a concern of mine to "look good".
Next, I started wearing Button Down Shirts. You may wonder why those three words are capitalized. I DARE you to tell me why they shouldn't be.
Gone were ironic tee shirts I bought in 1998 and hellos were waved to Banana Republic's finest. I like them striped, dark and pressed, just like my womens. If that doesn't make sense, dear reader, I encourage you to use your imagination. If that doesn't work, use "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"...it worked for Terry Gilliam.
As the halcyon days of laying in bed writing naked, playing Wii naked and BBQing meat naked slowly became obsequious evenings at The Standard, drinking 12 dollar vodka-tonics, I began to realize something about myself.
I'm a fucking douchebag.
Could it be that putting my phone on the table during dinner to check and see if I got an email is rude?
Could it be that determinedly typing away on a tiny little screen while other people attempt to hold a conversation with me is impolite?
Is it possible that updating my Twitterberry in the throws of sexual passion is a "faux pas"?
Yes, yes, and why the fuck not?
I am a man of the 21st century and it is my duty to be impolite. It's my duty to be a huge douchebag.
"Paying Attention" to what people say is so 1992. People are lucky if they can belch out 10 words of polite conversation before texting a friend.
Personally, I long for the days of rotary phones, an MTV that played music and email addresses that were nothing but a long string of numbers with a comma inserted randomly somewhere.
Sadly, this is not to be. It's the 21st century and, like John Connor, I was one of the last non-douchebag resistance.
I lost though and now I'm checking my Twitterberry to see if someone's @ replied me. Actually I forgot what I was writing.
I'm sorry, what were you talking about?
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2 comments:
Most amusing, a google search for "Bertrand Russel teapot" lead me to a search for the definition of "shiksa", which in turn led me to a higher resolution image search for "I love jew cock" (t-shirt), and so a minute after having tea with Russel I landed on your interesting blog... on this article to be precise:
http://xrl.us/beu3nv
Loving the Commodore 64 game Pole Position, a remake of which you posted a screenshot on that page, and finding your style of writing entertaining, I visited your main page, where I read this article:
http://xrl.us/beu3n7
Interesting how quickly people change... adapt.
Can you re-read both posts, and comment on this change? I'd be interested to read it.
That's an interesting point, Dr. Slony.
The way I see it, life is the slow process of giving up your ideals and morality out of sheer apathy. That's where it's at.
I think my latest blog post speaks to it:
http://cryingwhilemasturbating.blogspot.com/2009/06/living-in-los-angeles-has-taught-me-few.html
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