I hate answers. Really fucking hate answers. Questions? Love 'em. Answers? Definitely a letdown. Questions are always magnificent - complex and alluring, like a space prostitute. Answers, always underwhelming - sad and lonely, like an actual prostitute. In a way, answers are the like sequels to life's questions. There's all this build up, and then once you experience it - you're kind of like, why'd I bother waiting around for that?
Exception that proves the rule: Star Trek II.
TOP TEN ANSWERS I HATE HEARING:
1) Yes, I will, but you're going to have to stop crying.
2) No, I won't. Please stop crying.
3) Only if you agree to listen to "Lightning Crashes" by Live.
4) I thought we were just friends.
5) I thought we were just friends that gave herpes to each other.
6) No, I'm not Doctor Who, I just play him on TV. Why aren't you adhering to the stipulations of the restraining order? Police! Police! This man is naked!
7) I told you, Mr. Manson, a plea of insanity is no excuse for public nudity...even if it's Doctor Who related.
8) Actually, I prefer to get my news from Twitter.
9) No, I'm more of a Fox News girl.
10) I hate Jews, but I will sleep with you to get back at my anti-Semitic father.
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1 comment:
[From a 2211 high-school history examination paper:]
Q. Who was Osama bin Laden?
A) Some guy with a beard and Guns 'n' Ammo obsession
B) A true martyr of the undying struggle against the corporatist neoliberalist invasionist occupationist imperialist kleptoligarchy.
C) The fist bad guy in the full-length motion picture The War on Stuff the West Can't Control (2001-present)
D) All of the above.
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