I Miss The Cold

It sounds crazy, right? But I was watching a clip from today's Today Show and I saw that it was 17 degrees this morning in New York City. Honestly...I kinda got a halfie. Not a "Pamela Anderson circa 1996 when she didn't look like a space prostitute" halfie, but a "hey, I miss that feeling" halfie.

It's actually hard living in 75 and sunny every day. It's like Groundhog Day without the comically amusing premise. It's more of a comically depressing premise. I mean, I've heard of people with Seasonal Affective Disorder (or S.A.D., where the name is actually the saddest part), but I've got something like Hot Environment Revealing a Place of Everlasting Summer disorder, or HERPES. That's right, I've got HERPES and it's driving me nuts! That, or it's making my nuts itch. Either way, I should really see a doctor.

75 and Sunny is for the blond haired ne'er-do-well who wears a winter coat if it dips below 65, 75 and Sunny is for the person who shivers under a blanket if they can see their breath outside, 75 and Sunny is for the half-man, half-pectoral muscle, who is constantly afraid of encountering a thought other than "dude, my tan is totally awesome".

So, I call upon you, Californians United Nationally for Temperature Normality, or C.U.N.T. NORMS, to complain when the weather is "perfect"...because there's no such thing as perfection, and if you think there is, then you really should start watching more television. That should disavow you of that particular notion.