Overheard in Iowa

Iowa is an interesting place.

Everyone is nice, people wear overalls non-ironically, and "salads" are these weird things they sell in supermarkets with a pound of cream, rice and pink...covered in mini-marshmallows.

Oh, and Matzo is called "Bible Bread". Don't believe me?
In other news, Jews are called "what Jesus was before he done wised up".

In any case, I just spent a week in Iowa, and I awon't go into too many details, but here's a conversation I overheard:

Chubby guy with goatee and Harley Davison hat covering a mullet stands next to a chubby 20 something check out girl.

He reads her name tag.

"Jordan, dats a real interesting name. I don't know too many Jordans. Real unique name".
"Yuh, that's true dere".
"I mean, I've met a Jane, Judi, even a Jessica...but never a Jordan".
"Dats fer sure".

He notices a pregnant woman walking in the door and turns to his wife, a woman of equal Rubenesque stature as he.

"Oh hey look, dat's my cousin Margie Stockwell"

Margie walks in with another woman who is also pregnant.

"Hey Margie! How yuh doin' dere?"
"I'm good dere, Rich. Pregnant, yuh know?"
"Oh that's nice dere".

He looks at the woman Margie's with.

"I never seen you before"
"Oh no, we used to work together"
"Did we? What's yer name?"
"Jacklyn Montgomery"
"Are you related to Jason Montgomery?"
"No, I know Jason though; good guy...shame about his wife"
"Shame about his wife", they all repeated.
"Are you from the Charles City Montgomerys?"
"Oh no, the Oakwood Montgomerys"
"Really? I don't think I know any of you."
"I'm yer cousin, Rich"
"Really?"
"Yeah, from the other side of the family. Is Margie your cousin too?"
"Yuh".

Rich took a second to let everything soak in, so there was an awkward pause.

He looked at her and spoke:

"So yer pregnant then?"
"Oh yeah...finally gettin' my girl after two boys"
"So yer gonna get fixed?"
"Oh yeah, time to get fixed after this one"
"Well, I gotta get goin. Good to see you again Margie and Jacklyn"

Rich walked away into oblivion (actually the Chinese food counter at the Hyvee) and I watched a "Sunrise Salad" get prepared with a jar of whipped cream, white rice, an entire pineapple, and mini marshmallows.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was in what everyone else thinks is America.

It wasn't so bad.